The Lighter Side of Lawncare

Spring is one of my four favorite seasons of the year. I really enjoy seeing the renewal of plant life at this time. It is like a re-birth of the earth. I like to see the multi-colored flowers in full bloom and the rapid growth of the green stuff that simulates grass in my yard. You see, I don’t actually have much grass in the technical sense of the word…but at least what I do have is sort of green (or yellowish green actually) … and it is pleasing to the eye to behold. Well, at least it is more pleasing to look at than the various shades of brown and gray that this present growth replaced. Eventually, as the season progresses, I will have to start mowing it like real grass, which may sound like a bad thing. But there are some upsides to having a “lawn” like mine. Allow me to explain.

First, the stuff in my yard doesn’t grow very fast, or much at all actually. That means I don’t have to mow very often. I’ve had whole seasons where I only had to mow my yard once or twice! Think about the savings that could amount too! I don’t need a large expensive lawnmower. I don’t have to maintain that behemoth or make a place to store it. I save on gas, oil and repairs. Most importantly, I’m not a slave to my yard 2 hours a week, 20 weeks a year. Why would I want to do that? To impress my neighbors who I don’t even know much less like? Think about it. Also, the saving in time alone is quite substantial. Let’s be honest, as we age, we start getting a little more careful about how we spend our time. The reason for that is that we know there is only a limited amount left. Shouldn’t we make the best use of our time? Do we want to push a lawnmower for 2 hours every Saturday in the heat of Summer…or do almost anything else instead?
How many tombstones have you ever seen that read:

Bill Artemis Edging
1950-2019
Loving Husband and Father
Prettiest lawn in his neighborhood

Don’t get me wrong, honestly, I admire the appearance of that Irish green lawn that so many of my neighbors aspire to and achieve. It looks good. It looks really good. It is just not worth the trouble. To me anyway.

In my defense, I have tried. Really. Not just saying that. Not that you could tell. I have seeded my yard numerous times with expensive drought resistant, shade tolerant, fertilizer infused, premium hybrid grass seed. You would think it was gold infused based on what they charge for it. I have probably spent a thousand dollars on grass seed and fertilizer alone in the last 8 years. One Spring a few years back, I even rented a commercial rotor tiller and churned up the entire ½ acre that comprises my lot. I tenderly seeded it. I carefully fertilized it. I got the nicest stand of Kelly-green grass too. I took pictures and everything. Then the drought hit and every bit died. I mean every blade. So, I had to ask myself in retrospect, was it worth it? Of course, the answer was…nope, not in the least. That was a total waste of my time….and at my age that’s no longer funny.

Sometimes we have to prioritize. What’s most important? What’s the best use of my time? There was a time when I worried a lot more about what other people thought. It was an affliction of sorts that I think most of us share. I’m not as afflicted with it as I used to be. I think that is a normal part of the aging process too.

All joking aside, I will probably go against my better judgement and waste some more time this year as is my habit every Spring (“hope Springs eternal”). I will go through the motions of buying the magic grass seed and the premium fertilizer and then sow the seed and spread the fertilizer. I will watch tender grass shoots come up and fuss at the kids to stay off of them (like it is really going to matter) and I will be tantalized with the promise of hope that this will be my year. Perhaps this year will be the year when I attain critical mass and a real lawn takes over…. Perhaps…